Some things you can't change
by allaboutgrey
Summary: 5 years after Derek left Seattle Meredith has found love in a person she never thought she would, but what happens when Derek comes back wanting to correct things, will she leave the man who helped mend her heart or go back to old habits? Please review
1. Chapter 1

Beep, beep, beep, Meredith rolled over and hit the snooze button the alarm clock. She couldn't believe that it was 4:30 already. She rolled over laying her head on her husband's chest. She always felt so safe and secure when she did this. It also made her feel at home..

"You know we have to up soon" said Mark

"I know but I just want five more minutes" she whispered in half a stage of sleep.

Mark put his arms around her holding her and giving her a soft kiss on her head while smelling the wonderful scent of lavender in the air. He smiled to himself after two years of marriage he still couldn't believe how lucky he got. He had not only had he given his heart to Meredith Grey but she had given hers in return as well. He had gone from a king of bachelorhood to a one woman man. Meredith's man…he loved the sound of that. He held her close, he always enjoyed these moments having her in his arms It made him feel at peace and most of all at home, which he never felt before.

It had been five years now since Derek went back to New York. Addison followed. It was said that they realized that they could never make their marriage work if they stayed in Seattle. Mark and Meredith were crushed, neither one said goodbye, no explaination, nothing. They had left the same way he had come, quick and sudden like a quick breeze in a summers night.

Mark and Meredith soon starting hanging out together, after all they were both in same club….the dirty mistress club, which had now become the lost loved one's club. They would drink together at Joe's and exchange stories of what they missed about the one's that had left them. As time went by they grew a close friendship and wallowing in self misery became something of the past and they started to just enjoy one another's company, running together in the morning, watching the game at his house while eating pizza. Then one night while leaving a bar getting caught in the rain running to the car they both stood outside the car door laughing at how soaked they were. Mark looked at Meredith with the moonlight hitting her face and realized that he loved this woman. That at that moment there was no one else for him. Without thinking what he was about to do he grabbed her face and kissed her, passionately. When he realized that she wasn't pushing him away, but actually recipicating it back he knew that things would never be the same again.

They had been together for a year when he had decided to ask her to be his forever. He wanted to do it at their favorite spot after their morning run, looking over Seatle.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked…"you're acting strange this morning"

"Nothing" he said, trying not to make eye contact for fear she would figure everything out before he could ask her.

"is this about your surgery this morning on your burn victim…you'll be great, don't worry"

"I need to talk to you" he said, in a nervous way.

"Okay" she looked at him with a smile on her face.

He was so nervous, god why was he nervous he had played this out over and over and over in his head. He knew exactly what he was going to say and what to do. The right was perfect the setting was perfect, she was perfect. He just needed to get it out.

"From the moment I met you I knew there was something different you…it took me awhile to figure out what it was exactly. What makes you different is you are the only woman I have ever given my heart to, and have wanted to. Every morning I wake up smiling because you are near me, and when I fall asleep you are the last person I see, and right after I close my eyes I thank god for you. You make me want be a better man, and I know that with you by my side I can be a better man. I love you Meredith" his voice began to crack….don't cry he thought, you can do this. But it was too late; the tears began to stream down his face.

"I want to spend the rest my life with you. I want make you as happy as you've made me…more even. Will you please marry me?"

And with that he took the box out of his windbreaker and opened it up. Meredith began to cry. She had dreamt of this moment. She knew it would come eventually but never imagined it to be this wonderful.

"YES" she cried, "yes, yes yes!"


	2. Chapter 2

It was Sunday afternoon everyone was at Christina and Burkes place. It's something the whole gang tried to do at least one a month get together and celebrate friendship and just have a good time. Burke had gotten a new grill the weekend before and after being there for two hours he was still talking about it and showing the ins and outs of it to Mark and Alex. Izzie, Christina and Meredith were in the kitchen trying to make a salad, but really just drinking to much wine and talking.

"Look at them" Christina said while rolling her eyes. "They're like children out there, who would think that they are successful doctors who save lives on a daily basis" They're out there drooling over a grill…a grill!! I mean what the hell is wrong with us"

Meredith just looked at Christina and laughed. She loved her best friend; they had been through so much. She was there when Derek had left and helped her get through things. She was there when she started hanging out with Mark and never judged her once. All she ever said was, watch what you're doing, he's Mark. As time went by even Christina realized that Mark loved her, and that people can change, even Mark.

With the light sound of Jazz playing in the background everyone sat down at the table to enjoy the wonderful meal that they all made together.

"This steak is excellent Burke, if I were you I'd dump Christina and marry this grill, at least it'll feel you!" said Alex with a smartass smirk on his face. Everyone started to laugh.

"Bite me Alex!" said Christina. "I do the dishes every once and while."

Everyone jumped in on the bantering on Christina when suddenly the doorbell rang. Like a gun had gone off everyone stopped and just stared at the door. Everyone that was supposed to be here was, who could that possible be.

Burke got up and opened the door. He was quiet and stepped outside while closing the door behind him.

"Who is it?" Meredith asked, while Mark had his arm around her rubbing the back of neck.

"I don't know, I can't see" said Christina. She finally got up and began walking to the door when she noticed who it was through the window. She froze. How would she tell Meredith? Could she go back without making it obvious, yes she could. She took a deep breath and turned around and put a smile on her face.

"Oh it's just the newspaper kid, we must of forgotten to pay him"

"Oh come on, you don't honestly expect us to believe that do you?" alex said while getting up.

Christina stared at Alex with that glim in her eyes that let him know that something was wrong.

Meredith not picking up on it, got up and said "okay I'm going to put and end to this." As she walked over to door she got a strange feeling, something she hadn't felt in years. And as she reached for the door she looked out the window and saw him. His beautiful eyes, his gorgeous hair, and his ever melting smile.


	3. Chapter 3

She froze. Nothing in her body would allow her to move. She felt as if time has completely stopped. She felt the cold metal of the door knob in her hand but nothing else. All she could do was just stare, stare at him. His face, his beautiful eyes, and those lips. Those wonderful lips. She remembered the last time he kissed her. It was two days before he left with Addison. They were in the stairwell at the hospital. She had gone there to cry, to be alone. She had lost a patient. A patient she had become attached to. While standing there grieving Derek had seen her and had gone to make sure she was okay. When he walked up to her she just looked at him and cried even more. He held her.

"It's okay…let it out" he has whispered to her, rubbing her hair, taking in the moment. He longed for moments like this with her. He dreamed of them, in fact it was what he lived for. He knew he made the right choice picking Addison, but his heart never forgave him for it. His heart longed for her, her touch, her laughter, her love. And since he wasn't allowed to have it, moments like this meant more to him then she would ever know.

She pulled away "I'm okay. I shouldn't even be crying I feel rather silly actually" she said.

"It's never easy, loosing a patient, but as time goes by you'll learn how to cope better" he said while wiping a tear from her eye. "I promise" he said while giving her his classic Derek smile. The smile she loved the smile that made her heart melt. At that moment their eyes connected and without even thinking they did what felt natural. They leaned in and kissed. It started off quick, she pulled back for a second but when he didn't she leaned in and allowed her body to have what it was craving for for months. The kiss was passionate, and expressed more feelings and love then they could ever express to each other in words. When they finally pulled away he touched her face ever so lightly and gently and stared into her eyes.

"I love you more then you'll ever know. You are the love that I have searched for my whole life but thought I would never find"

And with that walked out of the stairwell and two days later out of her life all together. She had analyzed that moment over and over and over again in her head for weeks. How could he say that to her and yet still leave? How could he just walk away, and not even say goodbye.

She was quickly snapped back to reality when she heard Christina's voice next her.

"I didn't know he was coming. I don't even know why he's here. I swear"

She wanted to tell her it was okay, but she couldn't. She couldn't say anything, she was still frozen. Starring at him wondering if he would ever look over and see her.

Mark put his hand on her back. "You okay? I know this isn't easy for you, maybe we should leave"

She nodded ever so slowly like finally getting out of a trance. Yes, leave, she thought. She couldn't be here, she couldn't face him. What would she say to him? How would she act? She was in love with Mark, she was married to Mark, Mark his best friend who had once slept with his wife was now her husband. She let go of the doorknob and turned around making eye contact with Mark. He could see the fear in her eyes. He understood. He said nothing just put his arm around her and held her. Together they walked through the dinning room and then to the kitchen to sneak out the back door. Marked turned to look at Christina to say he was sorry for leaving but before he could speak she just nodded letting him know that she understood. She just wanted her out of here. Away from him away from whatever he was going bring. Cristina may not have known why he was here but she knew it wasn't a good idea.


	4. Chapter 4

The car ride home was silent. Neither one said a word. Meredith just looked out the window. She looked like she had seen a ghost and didn't know exactly what to make of it. Mark had worried that this day would come. How would she handle it? Would all her old feelings for Derek come back, would she leave him for him? He gripped onto the steering wheel tightly. He must not think like this. She loved him, what they have is special and precious. He was just having silly thoughts, after all, all they did was just see him perhaps he would leave soon. God he hoped he would leave soon.

Once they arrived home Mark pulled into the garage, parked and turned the car off. Meredith finally looking over at him noticed the worry in his face. She knew exactly what he was thinking; she told wondered the same thing.

"I'm fine" she finally said breaking the long silence. "Really, I just got caught off guard. I mean did you know he was here?"

"No" he said nodding his head "believe me if I would of known I would of…" he stopped, what he wanted to say was if he knew he was going to be there he would made sure like hell that they weren't there, but he didn't say that. He was to afraid of how she would react, would she feel hurt, or feel like he didn't trust her. "told you" he finally said.

She smiled, grabbed his hand and squeezed it a bit. "I love you" she said with a smile. Looking into her eyes all of Marks fears melted away. "Let's go inside" She said.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next day at the hospital Meredith looked for Christina. When she finally spotted her she grabbed her by the coat and pulled her into the on call room.

"What the hell is he doing here? Meredith said.

"He wants to come back. He's left New York and wants to come back. He went to hospital first looking for Webber and when he found out that Burke was now chief he came to the house."

Meredith didn't know what to say. He wanted to come back. He wanted to come back to Seattle. To work at the same hospital where everyone else had worked. Like before…no not like before she thought to herself. This time is different. She was different. She was married, in love, happy. She had everything the she ever wanted. She didn't need him. Not anymore.

"Well let him come back then. I don't care. I'm married, and happy. It'll be fine." She causally said to her friend, although she wondered if she said it to convince Christina or herself.

"Good!" Christina said. "He's not McDreamy anymore anyway, he's a McJerk and we are not going to be friends with him!" Christina declared. "We work with him and that's it! He's our boss and nothing else!!

"Yeah" Meredith said feeling the confidence rise in her as Christina spoke.

"McJerk! I like the sound of that" Meredith said and walked out of the room tocheck on her patient.


	5. Chapter 5

By the end of the day buzz around the office was very strong. The great and wonderful Derek Sheppard was coming back. Meredith knew that Burke would say yes. Derek was an excellent surgeon and it would do wonders for the hospital to bring him back, she just only hoped she wouldn't have to see him a lot.

At the end of her shift she sat in the lobby waiting for Mark to finish up his surgery. She didn't have long to wait, so she sat in a chair catching up on her medical digest magazine. She was intensely engaged in an article when she didn't even notice someone was standing in front of her.

He stood there for a minute just admiring her, before he said anything. God she was still so beautiful, her hair, long and blonde. He could smell the sweet scent of lavender and as it filled his lungs he was taken back to the time when she was his. But she wasn't his anymore. He noticed the ring on her finger and wondered who the lucky guy was. Who was blessed enough to hold this wonderful creature every night before falling asleep, who was allowed to touch her soft skin, kiss her luscious lips. And be filled with her love. He missed her so much. He had tried with Addison, for two years. And yet nothing changed. He was still empty, lost, and alone. Everyday his heart ached for Meredith, and he kept ignoring it. As the days turned into weeks and then months and finally years he knew he could no longer treat Addison like this. It wasn't fair to her. She was living with someone who longed for someone else, who dreamed for her, and only her. Addison knew that she would never get her Derek back and when he finally said he could no longer pretend that they would be the way they were before they parted ways.

Now three years after leaving Addison he finally got the courage to come back to Seattle. He needed to come back. He needed to see her.

She looked up and looked straight into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Hello" he said with a smile on his face.

"Hello" she replied trying to look back down at her magazine.

Hearing her voice was like hearing angels sing again. He felt alive again.

"So I'm coming back to work here tomorrow" he said trying to make conversation, trying anything just to hear her voice again.

"So I've heard" she still wouldn't look up at him again. She couldn't. She was afraid of what she'd see in not only him, but herself as well. She knew she loved Mark, but Derek had a power over her like no other man ever had. She dreamt about him all the time, always wondering what would have been if he had just stayed. But he didn't stay, he left, and that was always the bottom line to her.

She realized that he wasn't going to leave so she finally stood up to walk away herself. "Well, I guess I'll see you around the hospital" she said while walking away.

He grabbed her arm. She turned to look at him. It was the first time in over five years they had touched. She could feel the electricity shoot through her arm and into her whole body. Be strong she told herself you are past all of this. He took a step closer to fill in the gap between them. They're eyes never left one another. As he went to take another step to close the gap completely she closed her eyes. "stop." She said. "I can't do this…I won't do this."

Just then he let go. She turned around to walk away when she saw Mark getting off the elevator. As he walked towards her she felt relieved, relieve that he was saving her from this moment of what could have been dangerous for the both of them. He greets her with a kiss and touches her hair. She smiles at him letting her body fall into his while he hugs her. She loved the way she felt in his arms. Mark was home to her. He was everything. As she turned while holding Mark's hand she noticed that Derek was gone.

"You okay?" Mark asked. "You look like you've just seen a ghost"

"No, I'm fine" she said. "Just tired"

"Perhaps we should get you home and in a bath with a nice glass of wine" mark said.

"I think that would be perfect, as long as you join me" she said with a devilish smile.

It was the exact answer Mark was hoping for. They walked out of the hospital together, and while doing so Meredith never once looked back.


End file.
